This piece was inspired by a very peculiar dream that I had. I usually don't remember the dreams that I have, and the ones that I do are usually normal. This one was just very odd in all aspects of it. I thought it was very interesting I guess you could say, anyways it's a portfolio piece that I wrote in October.
Press this all you want, I want ways to improve my writing.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/25951861/Portfolio
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oh my goshh!!!this story was amazingg!!!that is so cool how you made your dreams so vivid and real!i think maybe you could add alittle bit more action but i loved it anyways!!
ReplyDeletethis piece was very interesting. it had good content, but it didn't seem to flow very well. also it seemed like you kept repeating yourself. it also ended pretty upbruptly, without much closure; but i guess thats how dreams actually are.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting, i like how it wasn't clear it was a dream until the end. it kept me entertained. It didn't have the best flow, it kind of skipped around a lot and wasn't too clear on what the big figure was that crushed you. Also, it wasn't very clear where Nick came into the story. Better imagery could of also helped the reader feel like they were in the dream too. good job.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used dialogue as well as description in your story. I cant think of much things for you to do. Maybe, just exstend it a little more. Good job Dylan!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was written well but the sentences seemed choppy. Maybe try starting some of the sentences diffently.
ReplyDeletethis piece was very interesting! but like jake said, it kindof ended abruptly, but that is how dreams are. Good use of dialogue. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteThis is a cool idea. Dreams are an interesting thing, however I think the flow of it needs a little work. Description could be better too. Sure there a eight walls, but is the rec. center erie? Keep writing. Maybe try to revise this.
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