This piece is one of my strongest in my opinion. It's not exactly real, but it's not exactly fiction either. The placement of the story is made up, but the memories and feelings are real. It's supposed to take place when I'm younger, about 7, at my cabin in Pennsylvania.
Address please.
-Deanna Fyffe
http://www.scribd.com/doc/25934946/Deanna-Fyffe-the-Cabin-the-Chalky-Dust
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This is a great piece that used imagery and description that made The Cabin come to life. I think it is a good piece because you showed emotion that make readers wonder or think about their own little place. The only reccommendation i would have is to try and put in more of a plot or introduce your feelings a little earlier to hint at where the end is going.
ReplyDeleteDeanna that was beautiful! I could really tell how special this place is to you. Your piece had great imagery, i really liked the third paragraph the most. I wish we all had a place like that to escape to. You are a super terrific writter, good work!
ReplyDeleteA fantastic display of whimsy and intrigue
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece, Deanna. I'd have to agree that it's very strong, and your use of imagery made me feel as if I was there. I really don't see anything wrong, or anything that I would change; however you could possibly add somewhat of a story line in the beginning of your piece; just to give the reader an idea of what's going to happen. Other than that, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteDeanna, this is a great piece and I really enjoyed it! You chose very descriptive words and didn't have any gramatical errors. Your piece made me think a lot, and I think that this was because of your great use of imagery. I don't think that there is anything wrong with your piece. However, I would suggest including more of your feelings. Also, maybe add a sentece or two between the middle and the end so the end doesn't come so sudden. Great job!(:
ReplyDeleteThat was really good! you had awesome imagery and i could feel like i was there. i also really liked the way you ended it,, having your dad pull you back to reality stopping in mid thought leaving the ending open to interpret. very nice!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the use of imagery in this story, but I was confused as to what was going on. At first i thought that you were leaving the cabin forever, and I only figured out that you were entering it in the very end. But other than that I feel that this is one of the better pieces I have read.
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