Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Vail Poem
I wrote a poem about Vail, Colorado. Vail is an awesome place to go snowboard or skii. It also has cool shops and restaraunts and places to see. I have been to Vail many times in my life so I wrote a poem about how it is on the mountain. Yeah here it is. http://www.scribd.com/doc/25936981/Vail-Poem Press
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You could of created better imagery. The lines didn't flow to well, and the idea kind of skipped. Better word choice could have created better imagery. You could of included how being there made you feel so i could imagine vail as a reader. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI don't realy understand what you were eriting about. The poem could have flown together better. You word choice could have been more broad than it was to add to the imagery.
ReplyDeleteI thouoght that you need to have better imagery. The poem didn't flow well, it was kind of scattered. Also, you could have had better word choice for a poem. It was good though.
ReplyDeleteI liked the poem, it sounds like Vail would be a fun place to go skiing/boarding.. However, I agree with what Natalie said, I would work on the imagery in the poem and also, the line about 'When it's summer you could even go run' doesn't really fit. Also, I think the poem could have a better flow to it. Other than that, good job :)
ReplyDeleteI think your poem could have been a lot better if it was longer. You skipped around a lot in the ideas so it made little sense. And it was obvious you were trying really hard to work in the rhymes. Maybe you should worry less about the rhymes and more about the content.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love Vail! Second, you could work on your word choice... thats all! good job
ReplyDeleteNice Job! I liked how it was a sonnet. You could of had better imagery and word choice. Also you were talking about winter then said in the summer you could even go run. But Vail Sounds like a fun place.
ReplyDeleteKyle- I like your poem, and the fact that you enjoy Vail. I do agree with those who said it could use more description to provoke imagery, and I agree with Katie about the one specific line that talks about running. I do think that if you add too much more, it might mess up the flow of what you've got going so far. I suppose it's hard to tell where you should add the changes. Other than that though, great job!
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