-Teagan Amey
**Press please...if you can
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Oh, I wish I Could Drive.
My free writes are always random. I really couldn't tell you why, but they are rarely about anything truly important, but more about little things that are bothering me at that point in time. If there's a prompt, it normally starts off following it and then is usually abandoned for something more exiting. At this point in time, i had no ride home, so you see, i needed to find transportation. So its not really my BEST piece honestly, but its the one I'm willing to share. So enjoy :)
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teagan, i love this poem! especially the bit about cougars. dont change a thing because it is amazing!
ReplyDeleteTeagan, I really like your poem. I like how it very free spirited and it is actually about a topic that I can relate too. You said "I'd just have to feed it occasional... meat," I think it might sound better if you said occasionally. Also, the line "Years of waiting cannot wait," was a little awkward, like I understand what you are saying but it is phrased a little strangely. I really like your rhyme scheme, and I think your word choice was really good as well. I think your poem had good fluency too. Good job:)
ReplyDeleteTeagan this was so funny and I can totally relate to this. I don't think there is anything you should change. The cougar part was really funny and this is an amazing poem! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your piece Teagan, I thought it was very colorful and humorous. Great job with your rhyme scheme, although some didn't match up with the overall rhythm of the poem. Awesome overall!
ReplyDeleteTeagan, this was an awesome piece. Your wording and rhyme scheme kept it alive for me, and the free spirited ways of you as a person came out in this piece!
ReplyDeleteI loved your piece Teagan! I especially loved your rhyme scheme and how your poem flowed. I think that the beginning was great and I really liked the part about how the only thing you can drive is a shopping cart. Also, your word choice was excellent and I could really relate to your poem. The only thing I would change is to maybe revise the part when you say "years of waiting cannot wait." Overall, wonderful job(:
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was a great poem. The only thing that I would change is that it seemed that you got off topic on the overall message of the poem. I thought that you had good rhyming, and you did great overall.
ReplyDeleteVery funny and unique(: I'm sure you're not the only one stressing over zero personal transportation! I found it amusing that you went from thinking of a car to a cougar, etc. Nice job(:
ReplyDeleteI like how you seem to have unique writings. I liked how you made your poem humorous, but kind off stayed around your main topic. I think that this is a great poem and that you should not change it very much. I do agree that the line "years of waiting cannot wait" might need some revision, but overall, i though that you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteI loved this poem! Everything was great! There was good word choice and your creativity was wonderful! Keep up the good word!
ReplyDeleteTeagan, this poem is so true, and very creative. I liked the rhyming you inquired within your poem at the end of each two lines. It was very creative, and to tell you the truth... I really can't critisize it! Great poem!
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