i wrote this story one night because in the book that I was reading at the time, Beautiful Boy, had one of the characters act rather rebelious so I thought, why not write a rebelious story? So i did, kind of. Go ahead and press this story. Enjoy!
http://scribd.com/doc/25930745
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I really like the overall plot of this story, the moral rings true and is easily identified. Was it necessary to have so many characters in the "gang"? By adding so many, I think that you may detract from developing other characters. I really don't even remember names because there were so many. Your use of similes added to the very distinct voice that you exemplified. However, you may want to consider expressing the character's disappointment in himself at the end more vividly (through word choice?). I think that would make readers REALLY feel how terrible he felt. There were a couple of very minor writing conventions, but I truly was surprised by the ending. I expected this story to be silly as I visualized a couple of Aurora kids vandalizing the Walgreens next to the movies. The end was unexpected and heartfelt.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I really liked this story because it had a mixture of childish stupidity as well as the true heartfelt lessons at the end. I also was surprised by the ending as I thought that it would have been goofier but I did like the themes in the story. I also agree with Ima that there may have been too many characters as it detracted from some of the other main characters. But overall, I really liked this story.
ReplyDeleteErin. this was more than enjoyable. I liked the way it took you back to that "West Side Story Feeling" with your gangs and such. It had that humorous tone in it as well making me smile while reading it because of the creativity. It kept me interested too, which is a big deal. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteAs far as pressing goes, i like to know a lot about characters in a story. So character development could have been a bit more extensive, but it worked either way.