I wrote the piece A Tear in the Mud to show life in war from another point of view. It used a lot of imagery and is extremely emotional. I think the piece will give people a new sense of graditude for what they have. It shows how passionate a soldier can be about their country. I wrote this because I was inspired by a free-write about a war song. A Tear in the Mud helped me experiment from different view points and is an emotional piece that is completely worth reading. I would like you guys to address it because I don't know if it really shows an image in the reader's head. Thanks, I hope you like it! http://www.scribd.com/doc/25873724
Rachael Schwartz
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Amazing Rachael! you made me feel something for your writing, and gave it emotion. It was a wonderful hearted piece. I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteThat was an amazing story. It was moving, detailed and it was perfect overall. There is nothing bad that anyone could say about this.
ReplyDeleteRachael that was just amazing! You made me feel like I could feel his pain. And truely made me feel as though war was the enemy itself. You used many words that gave a clear image of his situation and I loved every bit of it. I hope you write something like this again!
ReplyDeleteThis has a lot of symbolism! The tear, the mud, the bullet... I enjoyed it! It was a little bit short, and Bill’s death was too sudden in my opinion. This piece was perfect!
ReplyDelete−Phoenix
Rachael, this was amazing! It was very touching, especially when you wrote about the soldier wanting to see his baby. I loved your word choice and your sentences flowed very smoothly. I did not see any gramatical errors. You should really think about writing more stories like this... I almost cried after reading this! Great job!!
ReplyDeleteThis is seriously my favorite piece I have read so far (and you are #6). You really seemed like you knew what you were talking about (military wise). Your detail and vioce were great. Honestly I'm not sure what advice to give you.
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