Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Unknown Life
http://www.scribd.com/doc/25944134 This piece of writting was inspired by a trip to down town Cleveland. Seeing the families sleeping on the cold hard sidewalks made me wonder how it felt to not know if your going to have food to provide your family with the next day. This inspired me to attempt to put my self in their shoes. I chose for my piece to be addressed.
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this was a very great piece and it sounds like you wrote about something that just popped into your head. i like how this is a story that is probably fiction, but it is realistic fiction and can happen to anyone. i enjoyed reading this piece.
ReplyDeleteBesides a few gramatical errors, I loved your piece. It is very touching and very realistic. I like how you took the situation into prespective of the homeless family. That really helped to captured the problems they have had and the future ahead of them. I think you should make this into a story and continue with the idea.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the view you took for this piece. Even though it was fiction it was realistic and I like that you tried putting yourself into someone elses position. It was a bit rushed and had a few gramatical errors but it was a very good piece. Good job!
ReplyDeleteKim, i really enjoyed reading your piece. I think to improve it you should add some better word choice and fix a few grammer errors. Also the begining seemed to need to be a little more devolped. Possibly describing the setting and not jumping into the family history so quickly.
ReplyDeleteHola Kimberly Anna SHepard,
ReplyDeletei really enjoyed your peice and felt like your voice was very strong through out the whole story. I feel like with some minor grammer fixes and maybe a little more sentence fluency this piece would be perfect! keep up the great work on your writing!
Sincerly, Sabrina Lynn Alonso
Kim, I loved your piece! I really like how you gave the readers an image as to how this family is living. Near the beginning of your story the man character had said how they don't like to talk about how they had gotten James, but then you told us later in the story. It was kind of confusing how you jumped from not wanting to tell then wanting to.
ReplyDeletei thought that you did a very good job capturing the emotion amd had very few grammatical errors. The voice was outstanding and you kept my attention at all times. This was a ver good piece.
ReplyDelete