http://www.scribd.com/doc/25929525/The-Defeat-of-a-Bully
This is a piece that i wrote with the inspiration from two places. One was a short story I read, "The Scarlet Ibis." This story was a part of my inspiration because the main character's brother, Doodle was pushed to excel in a way that could be considered bullying. The other inspiration was real life around me. Everyday if you look around you see different things happening. I saw jerks, innocence, annoyance and people just being plain rude. I decided to make a scene to show the emotions of the bully, and the bullied with a great outcome in the end.
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~Kelly Fussner~
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The play like format really kept me reading and it was great to see something different like that. It was a very good story, but it could have used more description for the setting and characters.
ReplyDeleteI thought the story really resembled real life. it was reLLY tnteresting how you had bassically two people being bullied instead of one. I thought you could have developed the story a bit more though. I felt like i didn't know anything about the characters.
ReplyDeleteKellly! I really liked how you wrote in a play format, because not many people do. And you had a great storyline, but try to use more detail next time! Goood Job (:
ReplyDeleteKellY! Oh my goodness, I died laughing at the end, and read it out loud to Jena! This was really creative, and yet it sounds a little to much like something that really happened, if you know what I mean(: But without the ending. I really enjoyed this piece.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your scene, Kel :) I disagree with Leigh, I think that you did a good job. You can't really describe the characters very much in just a short scene like that. You did a good job :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Leigh. It was a pretty good piece but there was no information about the characters. You could make it more dramatic by showing more traits about the characters. Very interesting piece.
ReplyDeleteHey you guys who read my piece. I just edited it with your suggestions and Ms. Duffy's. I know we don't have to post it or share it, but if you want to read the revised piece, i added a little more description and detail. I made Katie kind of shy ubtil she gets the courrage to confront Mark. It was kind of hard to put it in the right spot, and to figure out what to say, but thanks, I think it has a better message through details. Here's the link.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.scribd.com/doc/26484657/The-Defeat-of-a-Bully
Kelly!! I loved what I read so far. Will you continue with this? It sends a deep message and I agree- Mark should get a life! :] I partially disagree with those who don't think the characters are totally well developed. Considering you just gave a short scene, there wasn't too much you could say about the characters, however I definitely got the vibe of how all three characters would act on a regular basis. The only thing I would really recommend changing, which isn't a huge deal in the first place, is punctuation. Rather than using an exclamation point during regular, calm moments, fill in with a period. Other than that, keep it up, Kel.
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