This is a piece I wrote about some one who really opened my eyes. They opened my eyes to what true friendship really is, and that maybe we never really were true friends. I wrote in one of my free-writes, "as they say, it takes two to tango, but now I am dancing alone with the ghost of what I thought was there, because she has given up." This was also inspired by this certain person, and even though I didn't put this in my piece, I feel this really summarizes some of the emotions I felt when writing this piece.
-Lauren Bowen
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http://www.scribd.com/doc/25880981/English-Piece-If-i-Could-Tell-You-the-Truth
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Good writing Lauren. I enjoyed reading it and learned a little too. I think you did a good job in your word choice. I also liked how you used commas in some sentences to change them up rather than having on going sentences. In other words your sentence flow was good. Some sentences were a little too long in my opinion but nothing major. I saw no more than two or so convention errors, nothing with spelling, or use of punctuation though. Very good writing with no problems. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI may be starting off track by saying that i think that you are trying to express a bit of resentment and feeling of betrayal, but it seems to be the "elephant in the room" when i read this piece. Aside, you had very few gramatical errors, some very descriptive passages, and a well formed letter. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI think that your writing piece was really good, and you didn't just use periods but put commas and hyphens as well. you had good word choice, and i really like the analogy to cancer. Other than a couple grammer errors. good job !
ReplyDeleteIt was very easy to relate to this piece, you got you point across very clearly. You have a very strong and clear voice! There were some grammer errors that made some parts sound sorta awkward, but other than that, i wouldn't cahnge a thing! I also liked the comparisons you made, it made your piece very strong! great work on this piece!
ReplyDeleteLauren, this piece was excellent! I could really relate to it. I think that the best part was your voice. You told the reader exactly what you were thinking and said it very confidently. I also like your analogies and comparisons, especially in the last paragraph. I would just re-read your piece one more time to correct some of your punctuation and spelling. For example, you mispelled lose as loose and the first sentence in the third paragraph is a little confusing. Good job!(:
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